Searching High and Low

[tubalkain]

Da ne prepisujem, to je moja istorija sa heroin-detox.com a:

QUOTE (TriggerHappy @ Jun 17 2008, 01:06 PM) *
...at one point i thought about writing a book about scoring drugs in third world countries. *sigh*


Me too. I actually wanted to set up a website, info exchange of sorts, list of approved dealers and such nonsense.

As I was reading these posts I had flashbacks of my life, part travels part my history:

Belgrade, Yugoslavia, 1988: I'm doing my army service, fitting in very poorly. An army buddy is a chipping junkie, I only smoked pot so far, but when he brings some heroin I ask him to shoot me up too.

Ljubljana, Slovenia 1991: the war has just started, there are tanks in the streets and fighter jets in the air, roadblocks. I have to walk to my dealer. How annoying is that.

Hamamet, Tunisia, 1992: my first detox. I paid for a 2-week 5-star holiday. Day 6 I'm on a flight back home.

Samana, Dominican Republic, 1994: I'm with my junkie girlfriend, we got 300 methadone tablets. Day 1 she's openly flirting with an aerobics instructor, day 2 she's sleeping in his room, but all I care about is how I can be so unlucky to arrive to this place just a few days after bales of cocaine floated ashore on the hotel beach having been dumped from a plane. I hit the Dominican whores and keep getting scammed trying to score coke.

Munich, Germany, 1994: we just got back from Dominican Republic, sick as dogs, I forgive my girlfriend, she's only human. I'm trying to score H but I don't know anyone. I spot a guy, he looks the type, skinny and pale. I ask him for a light in English, he says hold on, I'm being frisked. I didn't even notice another guy, an undercover cop, checking his pockets. An hour later we're in a hotel room, 2 German junkies, my splendid girlfriend and I, totally wasted.

Amsterdam, Holland, 1994: having some cash and credit left we head for Amsterdam. All the hotels are full so we're cruising around. I spot an Arab guy and it seemed like a good idea to ask him about hotels and while we're at it, can we get some coke? I know Amsterdam is the place to get scammed so I lie I'm buying 2 kilos. The car, the tan and the blonde kinda support my lie, we get a room at Kempinski, one of the most expensive Amsterdam hotels. My girl checks us in, I go to score some H, I buy a few grams only to be robbed of them 30 seconds later, knife at my throat. I go buy some more as if nothing happened.

The following day my Arab connection hooks me up with his cousin, the meet is in some apartment, a guy walks in with 2 ks of coke. I do a line, it's excellent, but I can only buy 5gs or so. The cousin picks up 2ks and snaps something in Arab, I can see he's pissed and I start to explain how I have to see how this shit works long time and how I feel when it lets go. Amazingly this lame story works, I can buy my 5 gs but the price is hefty.

On my way back I pick up H and now we're not leaving the room anymore. Only problem, these Arab guys are everywhere, they call the room all the time and this hotel even has some dumb system to show you incoming calls on TV screen, or it's just in my head. I send my girl down to check, she comes back saying there are Arabs everywhere waiting for me. I barricade the door with furniture. We skip town during the night, no Arab tried to stop us.

New York, USA, 1996: I was in Elizabeth, New Jersey two times in one month for some unproductive reason and a guy I met got us some coke. That night I saw someone do crack for the first time, it was a hooker my friend picked up, I can still remember the smell of crack and tin mixing as she smoked from a Pepsi can. A few days later I carried some of the coke with me to the plane and then did lines in the washroom, feeling kinda special. I can't remember why I did that, it seemed to make sense at the time.

A hut in nowhereland, 1998: my 2nd detox. I am up in the mountains with a friend, I agreed to a CT detox for a bet, they don't know I got some H stashed in my pocket. I'm with a friend who took it upon himself to save me from myself. We wake up to knee high snow, in sneakers, no gloves, we have to cut and saw the wood all day long to keep the fire going. My stashed H is gone by day 3, but in all the woodcutting and seesawing I actually CT'd with surprising ease. We were in that hut for 12 days, no one could get to us, we ended up walking down for over 10 miles fearing bears.

I lost a lot of weight but I'm clean, I cannot believe it. I swear this is it, my parents throw a party.

2 months later I feel something like a flu coming. I can't possibly tolerate it, I go to shoot up.

1999, Mombasa, Kenya: how or why I got there I don't even remember. What I do remember is trying to find heroin on the streets of Mombasa and getting high on qat instead. A very nice high actually, chatty and energized without any nervousness you tend to get from coke. Qat is chewable leaves and hugely popular in Yemen and Somalia, where everyone does it. Obviously there's Qat fans in the slums of Mombasa, Kenya too and thank fuck they let me go unhurt.

2000, Bangkok, Thailand: I made this wonderful country my home, sort of, and I got married to a lovely Thai girl from the Golden Triangle. Her junkie brother got killed by cops a few years back and she probably thinks she deserves an asshole like me. A good boy for a while I've been on MMT, but I'm having none of that today. The newspapers just reported a new national record of junkies&dealers executed in a week for 2nd week running. I have to get H now before they kill all dealers.

I'm in a Bangkok underground slum, I didn't even know this place existed, I mean it's like a dug out maze. I don't know or trust anyone so there's 5 middlemen, me and the guy who knows the guy. In the end I still have to front the money.
For some reason I have to shoot up, despite this shit being as pure as it comes. I take out my gear and proceed to shoot up. It's dark and I can't see shit, I ask a guy to hold a lighter to my veins, he refuses. There's a dozen people watching me trying to hit a vein. I am insane.

2001, no man's land in independent Shan State, Burma: I decided we should see Burma, my wife and I, pagodas and such. H is getting hard to get by in Thailand so I want to go to the source. No trouble scoring here, only this place is so dark and macabre. We can only legally stay there for 24 hours, but I don't want to go back. My wife convinces our local contact that I am an idiot and that we'll get arrested or killed unless we return to Thailand. I have no choice, it's his car.

2002: tribal area, Laos: just across the Mekong river in Thai-Laotian border where my wife's family live. Laos is like going back in time, shops only carry soap and one brand of stale cookies but they have opium. I'm driving a small 4x4 on dusty roads more fucked up than anything I ever seen. I actually wanted to make it to China, but making less than 100km in all day I abandon the plan, I only want the opium anyway.
I go to the first village and I can see people smoking opium. They are lying sideways on the floor, motionless but for the puffs. I want some of this shit. I pay the guy to prepare the pipe for me and keep it going. He's got acrobatic skills in that department but I don't feel anything. After 2 hours of non-stop smoking his stash is gone, I show him to go buy from the neighbour, I smoked that guy's stash too and I got a slight buzz. At least I'm not sick. I almost drove to China for this.

2002, Bang Kwang jail, Thailand: this is supposedly the worst jail in the world. It's all about punishment here, shackles and shit, almost no food, not enough water, no medical care. People come here for drug offenses, I got here out of morbid curiosity after reading the book Damage Done by an Australian who spent 12 years here. This is hell on earth, I am talking to inmates but it feels like they're not really there, as if their spirit has long gone and the only thing left is a speaking corpse. Kinda like me. I hear people got here for having pot. I cannot deal with such injustice, I need to score some H.

2003, Phnom Phen, Cambodia: my new favorite country. Anything goes here. They never heard of prescriptions, the war has just ended, hookers and expat junkies abound. I love it. My wife hates it. You cannot get a cab in Cambodia just to go somewhere, you have to rent it by time. My cabbie tells me he's a cop in the morning. I'm thinking good, he knows where to score. We hit a nightclub, my cop cabbie introduces me to the owner, I make my intentions clear and a guy appears out of nowhere taking various drugs out of his side pockets. I only want heroin but I buy some ganja to make myself look better. As if he cared. As I am getting ready to leave the office my wife makes an incident in the club, a drunk ex-Khmer Rouge thinks she's a hooker and grabs her ass, she punches him in the face, all hell breaks loose, guns and shit. I insist that we go back and sort it out, my cabbie cop is firmly against it.

2003, Trieste, Italy: I have speedballed myself into total chaos. Again.
I hear of Ibogaine and in Trieste there is a schmuck who sells it to me for $1.000. We agree to wait till next morning but when he comes I send him out. When I wake up he's not there. I wait a little but get so sick I go out to find him or, better, some H. Somehow in what is not a very small town I find the schmuck and 30 mins later I'm not sick anymore. I'm tripping, but not LSD-like, this shit goes real deep. 24 hours later the trip is over and I start to have the worst 5 days and nights of my life, it's like every wd of every junkie of all times rolled into one and into me and yet something doesn't let me ring my dealer.

While I did not stop taking H from Iboga it did change me. I stopped shooting up after that and I all but stopped doing coke. In hindsight my 5 day agony may have been a benzo wd. I even stopped smoking for a while after Iboga. Weird.

Ljubljana, Slovenia, 2008: I'm tapering subutex. on 0.50 to 1mg now, I plan to jump any day now, I just need a strong placebo and I am going to some opiate deficient place for a month or so.

I quit smoking 6 days ago, I can hardly believe it. I'm thru with this shit. I really hate heroin, I feel I missed out on life, being on junk for 20 years, but I am strangely at peace with myself. The insane obsession is gone.


To je bilo pre nego što sam presto sa subutexom. Jump mi je bio veoma lak, ali posle 13 dana relaps i sada sam na Substitolu, novi neki maintenance sa slow release morfinom koji je najbolji substitut što sam ga ikada probao, ali još uvek nije sloboda.

Apsolutno oću da se skinem, neki možda mogu, ja ne mogu imati normalni život na opiatima. Ne da nemam kontrolu pa se overdoziram, jednostavno opiati prestanu raditi i sve šta ostane jest izolacija i depresija. U poslednje vreme puno preućavam IV amino terapiju, koja puno obečaje, ali puno so obećali i subutex i ibogain itd. Still, IV aminos imaju common sense podlagu za svoj potencial, moderna nauka zna da je problem ovisnosti o opiatima (i)problem neurotransmitera. Ta je terapija $12.000 + troškovi, dosta, ali i to ću da platim ako vidim da imam mogučnost uspeha.

Lep pozdrav iz Ljubljane

[Sagitarius]

Mogućnost uspjeha ovisi o nama,sredstva su tu da pomognu-

[tubalkain]

Mogućnost uspjeha ovisi o nama,sredstva su tu da pomognu-

NIsam siguran, da je baš sasvim tako, odnosno jeste u istom smislu kao što je sve u glavi. Da li je sve samo pitanje volje, e to je druga stvar. nemoguče je negirati, da zloupotreba opiata uzrokuje biohemijske promene u mozgu, da li su i u kakvoj meri permanentne ne zna nitko, ali ćini se da se neurotransmiteri mogu regenerirati, a amino kiselinama to možemo napraviti.

Ima li neko podatke šta u stvari rade oni Rusi. Izgleda mi ko rapid detox a nije mi jasno zbog čega oni kriju šta u stvari rade. metoda se patentira i to je to, nema potrebe za misterioznošću.

A propos, ne radi se u traženju prečaca, znam da je teže ostati čisti nego se očistiti, ali kako sam se bio očistio pre nepuna 2 meseca i bio neko vreme clean vidim, da mi u ovom trenutku treba sva moguča pomoč, sam i bez ičega ne mogu.

[joesspappa]

Ako sam dobro razumeo u Ljubljani si..!?
Postoji NA u Ljubljani vec dugi niz godina... vidi jesi li zainteresovan za taj vid odrzavanja cistoce. Ne mozes sam, a zelis li sa nekim da podelis svoju muku i dobijes pomoc...!?

[Sagitarius]

Koliko sam ja čuo Rusi i Kinezi,imaju jednu divljačku metodu,a to je da ti uklone opijatske receptore,
rezultat su polu-zombiji preosjetljivi na bol,i bez mogućnosti da dožive ikakav užitak...

[tubalkain]

Koliko sam ja čuo Rusi i Kinezi,imaju jednu divljačku metodu,a to je da ti uklone opijatske receptore,
rezultat su polu-zombiji preosjetljivi na bol,i bez mogućnosti da dožive ikakav užitak...

Jeli? A kako to naprave?

[tubalkain]

Ako sam dobro razumeo u Ljubljani si..!?
Postoji NA u Ljubljani vec dugi niz godina... vidi jesi li zainteresovan za taj vid odrzavanja cistoce. Ne mozes sam, a zelis li sa nekim da podelis svoju muku i dobijes pomoc...!?

Imam problem sa AA/NA, ne mogu integrisati njihove korake, potpuno su mi besmisleni. Osim ako lažem pa da se i ljudi u NA slažu, da su koraci sami po sebi glupost ali da je kombinacija grupne terapije, sponsor/sponsee odnosa i emocionalne investicije ima uspjeha, koliko ima, a to je navodno negde od 3-5%. IV amino tvrde da su na 80% nakon 25.000 pacienata, i u njih sumnjam ali bar ima neka naučna osnova.

[joesspappa]

Kad tako gledas i to drogiranje subom ili ibogom ili IV aminom je glupost... ja sam cist zahvaljujuci bas tim koracima koji su dobili i dodali smisao mom zivotu... onako iskreno...
A ti jesi li pokusao bar?

[Sagitarius]

Neki vid lobotomije,jednostavnio ih kirurški odstrane.
Ma svaki program je dobar,ako ga činiš kako treba.Iboga nek' ti ostane kao "joker u rukavu",jer ako poslije nje zaglaviš.teško se izvući.
Komune i supstitucije su dobre,jer te drže(komuna-štiti te zemljopisno,supstitucija psihički,ako viđaš jankoze "i stare prijatelje svakodnevno).Na početku je jako važo odvojit se od tog scijw+'''0+
Uglavnom borba je duga,naporna,s puno uspna i padova.
Nasmiju me izjave tipa:"subutex drogira"jel "rad" subutexa,osjeti smo onaj koji je dugo čist,i, na neki način,i to je recidiv.

I kako reće Josse,grupe su jako dobar način lječejna,ali pošro smo veliki manipulaori...

[saša-ex]

Dobrodosao....James Bond je za tebe malo dete...
Nema neke posebne tajne u ruskoj metodi, radi se o blokadi opijatskih receptora, samo dizu malo vecu famu oko toga da bi izgledalo kako je to jako uspesan metod....u stvari nista posebno. I dalje je, po meni i nekim statistikama, lecenje koje daje nejbolje rezultate-komuna ili terapeutska zejednica.
Nego sad ozbiljno, jel ovo sto si napisao stvarno tvoj zivot ili nas lozis?